Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Sed non risus. Suspendisse lectus tortor, dignissim sit amet, adipiscing How many times in your life have you been presented with an opportunity or caught a whiff of an adventure that would bring you new fulfillment? Of those times, how many did you commit to? Did you allow yourself to reflect upon or research any of them, or even share the idea with another person in your life? As I tally up those occasions in my own life, the vast majority of the ones I pursued took place before marriage or before Adam & I became parents. As my life becomes more complex, I find it more difficult to pursue, or even superficially entertain, any projects that feel a bit out of reach. That exists outside of my comfort zone.
That is NOT to say my calendar is spacious or only booked with things that are my #1 priority. In fact, what I discovered is that for the better part of 5 years, I’ve been satisfying my hunger for growth and change with low-hanging fruit and quick fixes. Unwittingly or unconsciously I’ve created my own roadblocks while claiming to be on the path of pursuing big dreams & goals. Cleverly, I’d painted those self-made roadblocks in shades of external causation or rationalization. I even pursued professional opportunities that – if I squinted my eyes and cocked my head sideways – checked all the boxes or looked aligned with my long-term career vision! I can chuckle about this revelation now, however, admitting this to myself required a high level of vulnerability. It took months of self-work to unpack the underlying truth behind much of what I had perceived to be the results of my life circumstances. What was revealed were my underlying fears, self-criticism, self-doubt, and a scarcity mindset. So, what changed? In May of 2023, my father died of Alzheimer’s Disease at the young age of 79, though we began to lose him 10 years before. My Dad was by far my biggest cheerleader. He was traditional and quite set in his beliefs about the world and the ways of business and industry. However, when it came to his 3 girls, he believed in our potential with all of his being. He threw his support behind whatever dream I expressed or pursued. As he slowly lost the ability to hold a meaningful conversation, I lost that voice of unconditional love and support. What took me by surprise was that our connection became stronger than it had been in almost 10 years on the day that he died. It’s as if he is whole again and can stand beside me and cheer me on.
During the Summer of 2022, and through my grief, I became reacquainted with the part of me who pursued a course of study that was unconventional, who made career moves and relocations that resulted in impactful life learnings; who married a modern-day explorer with an unorthodox business model. This Natalie traveled 1/3 of the year for 6 weeks at a time, and believed the World has abundant gifts to offer if you choose to engage with it! Since then, I’ve made a deep commitment:
To cultivate presence, honor my authentic self, and welcome the joy that comes into my life. Losing my Dad was painful and in turn beautiful because his presence is constant, now, as we embark on this next chapter. This kind of adventure is what he would have wanted for me, Adam, and the kids.
I mentioned roadblocks, both internal & external. Roadblocks, or limiting beliefs, are sneaky things. One roadblock appeared early on in the form of an alternate plan to our overseas move, and its messenger was even more believable than my steadfast inner critic. That messenger came in the form of my incredibly neurotypical, convergent-thinking, masterful planner of a husband. This guy wrote the book on proper planning and successful execution; so I would never discount his idea of having a Plan B!
CAN THERE BE MORE THAN ONE “RIGHT ANSWER”??
Forgive me as I take us on a minor tangent, but one that I believe will help anyone reading this who has ADHD or struggles even slightly with commitment.
Plan B actually arose during COVID when our wanderlust was satisfied in the form of long-distance road trips across the US. In 2021, we took an entire month and made our way from the Mid-Atlantic Coastal area of Maryland, up through Delaware, then into Rhode Island, and finally the White Mountains of New Hampshire with visits to Maine, Boston, and Cape Cod. Adam’s originally from Boston, so we’ve visited the city multiple times and became acquainted with the New England region several years ago on a Fall Break trip. However, in the two weeks that we spent in Narragansett, Rhode Island, I became infatuated with its proximity to the beach, the quaint country homes with stone-walled gardens and lawns, towns and streets steeped in early American history, the diversity, accessibility to the arts, culture, and academia – literally everywhere! Look at a map and in any direction, you can drive less than an hour and be in a different state 🙂
At this point, like many many people all over the world, we were itching to make a move, though the future felt so uncertain. Although my heart was still holding on to hope that once COVID was behind us, and the world went back to normal, we could figure out the living abroad thing…Adam was not on board. He was quite certain back in 2021 that we would not be moving out of the country. And this is how the seed for Plan B was sowed. Both of us knew with every year that passed, the more difficult it would be to uproot the kids from their school (that they’ve attended since Kindergarten) and the town they were born in. At some point, any kind of move would likely get shelved until we shipped the two of them off to college. (Alden would be in the Class of 2031!!)
So how does this tie into commitment and our eventual pursuit of moving abroad? If you haven’t noticed, life is filled with complexity. Shortly after my father died, our daughter, Beka, was diagnosed with High Functioning Autism. This gave us a different lens through which we needed to view our future. Adam approached me with the idea of looking into schools and resources for Beka in Massachusetts. He came armed with facts and figures, and an itinerary for a recognizance trip he would take to check out the towns in the school districts he identified as viable. I will be completely honest with you. He was laying out a solid argument for staying in the States, and my ADHD brain really wanted to give him the reigns and follow him down this bunny trail to see where it would take us.
This is a picture of me right after I tattooed my commitment on my arm! December 12, 2022
It took a deep level of restraint, and intention to pause and realign with my commitment. I respectfully requested that we slow down and not scatter our attention, by hedging our bets and pursuing two options at once. After a few healthy debates, we determined that the pursuit of both A and B started in the same place and was rooted in reality. Making improvements to our house in North Carolina was a huge reality. Whether we lived abroad for a couple of years or remained in the US, our house would either become a rental or be put up for sale. In August of 2022, after 16 years, 4 pets, and 2 kids, it was not ready for either! This would take a tremendous amount of time, money and energy to get accomplished. It had to be priority #1. We then looked at the start of school dates in Holland and also in Massachusetts to see if that would give us some guidance on what to do next. What was the application process for schools in either case and were there going to be waitlists? We also looked at the timeline for acquiring the DAFT visa. Could we pursue both simultaneously? Maybe. Still, my authentic self and my daily commitment to pausing and centering fortified my certainty that we should trust the process of pursuing the Dutch route wholeheartedly first. The way I saw it was, we commit 100% to this dream until we get a hard “NO”. Then, even if the perceived goal is not attained we end up accomplishing two things that leave us stronger than when we started the journey: 1) knowing that we gave it our best effort and moving on without regret 2) learning a hell of a lot about ourselves in the process. Neither would feel like a loss to me.
